When a girl's a screamer during sex, she's either positive or negative. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" or the complete opposite, "No! No! No!" Just once, I want to hear a girl right in the middle. "Maybe! Maybe! Maybe!"
Girls always have to call somebody when something slightly traumatic almost happens. (Mimes phone call)
(Girl voice) "Ohmigod, you'll never guess what almost happened."
(himself) "Let me guess: nothing. Because it's almost. Goodbye." Click.