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Jokes by Bill Hicks

Bill Hicks on Creationism

Did you ever notice how the people who believe in creationism look really unevolved. Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet.
"I believe God created me in one day."
Looks like he rushed it.

Bill Hicks on Smoking

There is good news for smokers. The surgeon general's warnings are different on the sides of each pack. Mine says, "Surgeon General Warning: Cigarette smoking may Cause fetal injury or premature birth." Hey, fuck it! just don't get the ones that say lung cancer.

Bill HIcks on Pornography

Supreme Court says pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts… Hmm… sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me. You know when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial… I ain't thinking about gum.

Bill Hicks on Drugs and Music

If you believe drugs don't do anything good for us, do me this favor willya. Go home tonight, take all your albums and tapes and burn 'em. Because the musicians who made all that great music… real fucking high on drugs. Shit, the Beatles were so high they let RIngo sing a couple of tunes.