Jokes by Rita Rudner

Stand-Up Comedian Rita Rudner

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Born: September 17, 1956

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Rita Rudner on Money

Men and women we look at movie so differently. Men look at how much money is spent. Women look at how much money is saved. If it just cost $300 and if I get it for $150 what have I done ladies? Saved $150. Of course. My husband thinks I’ve spent $150. What’s it like in there?

Rita Rudner on Perfume

Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attrat men? Men don’t like flowers. I wear a scent called “new-car interior.”

Rita Rudner on Long Labors

One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner on Break-Ups

One time I love to shop is after a bad relationship. I go and buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. Sometimes if I see a really great outfit I’ll break up with someone on purpose.

Rita Rudner on Ballet

I started off as a ballerina. I had to quit ballet after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine.