Jokes by Paul Mooney
Born: ?, 1940
Blue Meter: Risqué
In match-ups against other comics:
Won: 1579 | Lost: 1663
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Paul Mooney on White Guilt
The other night I was working, some white boy caught me in the hallway, “I’ve seen your show. I love what you do. But you make me feel so guilty. Must everything be race?”
I said, “Yes, everything.”
“Then you must think I’m the devil.”
“No. But you’ll do until the real one gets here.”
Paul Mooney on Slavery
God picked us to be the slaves because we can handle it…. If the white folks would have been slaves, the shit would have ended in 20 minutes. “Chains! And it’s not gold!... Call my lawyer!... Get your things Susan we’re out of here.”
Paul Mooney on Homeless People
When I see homeless white person I start crying. (cries) What a waste of white skin.
Paul Mooney on High Gas Prices
Is it just me or is gas high?.. They ain’t been a drive-by for three weeks. You hear niggas going, “I can’t afford to kill that motherfucker! I can’t!”
Paul Mooney on the Iraq War
[As George Bush] “Weapons of Mass Destruction. I’m so sure they have them.” Yeah, you and your daddy because you got the receipt.