Eugene Mirman on Fatherhood

I don’t have a kid. I think that I would be a good father… especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

Eugene Mirman on Kids

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You’d just be like, “I am bike cheese.” Because you wouldn’t know what words were.

Eugene Mirman on His First Time

I remember the first time I had sex. I wore a cape and goggles… because I didn’t know,.