Alonzo Bodden on Being From the Suburbs

I grew up in the suburbs. I’m an angry suburban nergo. I’m bad in, like, Starbucks. I’ll hurt you over a frappuccino.

Alonzo Bodden on NASCAR

I didn’t understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. You talk to a couple of NASCAR fans and you’ll see where a shiny car driving in a circle would fascinate them all day. I can make fun of NASCAR fans because if they chase me, I just turn right.

Alonzo Bodden on White Women

I like white women. That’s why I can’t hate white men. Because we need them for breeding. Sometimes I’m hanging with the brothers, and they get a little militant on me. They’re like, “Kill Whitey!”
I’m like, “Slow down. Let’s think this through now.”

Alonzo Bodden on Changing Demographics

Latinos outnumber Black people now. I’m not too happy about it. Because it’s only a matter of time before we lose our month. Soon as they figure it out, they’re going to have Latino History Month. All we’re going to have is Cinco de Negro.