Jokes by Richard Pryor

Stand-Up Comedian Richard Pryor

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Born: December 1, 1940

Death: December 10, 2005

Blue Meter: Dirty

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Jokes

Richard Pryor on Shooting His Car

It seemed fair to kill my car to me, right, ‘cause my wife was going to leave my ass. I say, “Not in this motherfucker you ain’t. Uh-uh. If you leave me you be drivin’ them Hush Puppies you got on. ‘Cause I’m goin’ kill this motherfucker here.”

Richard Pryor on the Whorehouse He Grew Up In.

I remember white dudes used to come down to the whorehouse. “Do you have any girls who cover you with ice cream?... And little boys to lick it off?” He was the mayor.

Richard Pryor on His Freebase Accident

Let me tell you what really happened. Usually when I go to bed, I have milk and cookies. And One night I had some low-fat milk and some pasteurized, And I mixed them together. And I dipped my cookie and the shit blew up.

Richard Pryor on Dying During Sex

My father died fucking. He did. My father was 57 when he died. The woman was 18. My father came and went at the same time.

Richard Pryor on Ambulances

I woke up in an ambulance. And it wasn’t nothing but white people staring at me. I said, “Ain’t this a bitch. I done died and wound up in the wrong muthafucking heaven.”