Jokes by Jim Gaffigan
Born: July 4, 1966
Blue Meter: Tame
In match-ups against other comics:
Won: 2278 | Lost: 890
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Jim Gaffigan on Family
I come from a very large family - nine parents.
Jim Gaffigan on Email
It is amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? “What the?... Has someone been kidnapped?”
Jim Gaffigan on New York
I love how New York is so multi-cultural. I wish I was ethnic. “Cause if you’re Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, “He’s got a Latin temper.” But if you’re a white guy and you get angry, people are like, “That guy’s a jerk.”
Jim Gaffigan on Bottled Water
When they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny. I was like, “Bottled water! Ha ha, they’re selling bottled water! I guess I’ll try it… Ahh… this is good. This is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it.”
Jim Gaffigan on Looks
Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it, if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, “Oh, they’re nice.” But if the stranger’s ugly, you’re like, “What do they want? Get away from me weirdo.”