I think it’s creepy if a guy says, “I would never hit a girl.” Cause that should go without saying. That’s like if you ever heard a guy go, “I would never crap in a hot tub.”
When you’re pregnant, people feel like they can come up and give you unsolicited advice. When I was nine months pregnant, this one woman came up and she said, “I have one word for you: epidural.”
And I was like, “Oh my God, thanks. But we already picked a name.”
I saw the head of NOW - National Organization of Women - saying that women still only make 70 cents on the dollar to every man. I’m not sure I’m going to believe that. Women are notoriously bad at math.
My neighbor says being gay is biological. And the reason she gives is she says, “I knew I was gay since I was five years old.” Five. I don’t know about you, but when I was five, I’d fuck a guy, fuck a girl, fuck a guy, fuck a girl. I was all over the map. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I didn’t figure that out until I was nine.
I grew up in a mixed religious household. And it was volatile. My dad’s atheist, my mom’s agnostic. Just constant fighting. “There’s no God!” “There might be!”
Sometimes when I’m bored, I like to people watch. And I got to a touristy area and I play this game I just made up. I call it “Lesbian or Midwestern?”