Large image of stand-Up comic Paul Mooney

Jokes by Paul Mooney

Paul Mooney on Homeless People

When I see homeless white person I start crying. (cries) What a waste of white skin.

Paul Mooney on High Gas Prices

Is it just me or is gas high?.. They ain't been a drive-by for three weeks. You hear niggas going, "I can't afford to kill that motherfucker! I can't!"

Paul Mooney on the Iraq War

[As George Bush] "Weapons of Mass Destruction. I'm so sure they have them." Yeah, you and your daddy because you got the receipt.

Paul Mooney on White Guilt

The other night I was working, some white boy caught me in the hallway, "I've seen your show. I love what you do. But you make me feel so guilty. Must everything be race?"
I said, "Yes, everything."
"Then you must think I'm the devil."
"No. But you'll do until the real one gets here."

Paul Mooney on Slavery

God picked us to be the slaves because we can handle it…. If the white folks would have been slaves, the shit would have ended in 20 minutes. "Chains! And it's not gold!... Call my lawyer!... Get your things Susan we're out of here."