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Stand-Up Comedian Mike DeStefano

Jokes by Mike DeStefano

Mike DeStefano on Heroin

Heroin’s like having oral sex and, at the same time, a puppy’s licking your face. You don’t want that.

Mike DeStefano on His Career Path

A comedy agent asked, “What did you do before comedy?” I was a drug counselor. He said, “How about before that?” I was a drug addict. He said, “And before that?” I was twelve.

Mike DeStefano on Pride

It’s so stupid the shit we’re proud of. You know how you got to be who you are? Your parents fucked. There’s nothing to be proud of. You father wanted a blowjob that night. How’s that feel? You’re just a blowjob that got out of hand.