What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, “Sex addiction… People will end up doing something they don’t want to do just for sex.” Isn’t that called a first date, man?... If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there’d be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Gay people speak each others language in a way that we don’t as heterosexual people. You meet a girl. Initially, you want to fuck her. She don’t want to, because she’s a girl… With gay guys that’s a meeting of the minds. Being gay is like walking into a shoe store and like, “Sir, do you have a size 10?” and the guy says, “They’re all size 10s!”
I was in the pharmacy. They have two ply condoms now, for real. Two ply… a guy turns to me. He goes, “Hey, do you think I should go for the two ply or the regular?” I was like, “Hey, if you’re even thinking two ply… Maybe you shouldn’t fuck her.”
You know you’re too high when you’re eating cereal naked and your girlfriend is like “Put some clothes on” and you realize that it’s not your girlfriend. It’s just a woman on the bus.