Hey everyone looking for some feedback on my script for my first gig. I am also looking for someone to help me better it by giving some suggestions of funny things to add in. Here is it below.
WARNING CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE
Hello hello hello thank you all for comming. You have all made some effort aint ya. I can tell you I was thinking this morning what am I going to wear tonight. And I guess I found an excuse to ware my suit again. I think all bloaks do that at some point. We always find a reason to take out the old suit don’t we. But ye thanks again for comming down. Now before we start and before you ask I know I’m young and no I am not here to preform a scene from the singing kettel or pokemon gotta catch em all.
So did you all have a good Christmas? Bet your all pissed of with the misses when you buy her the new phone, the teddies, the new laptop, make up and you get a pishy gillet razor that she will end up using more than you. I’m not that big a fan of Christmas, especially the shopping. Have you seen a supermarket 2 or 3 days before Christmas? It’s like the zoo has set of a batch of monkeys on steroids. People running to get bags of sprouts, tatties, custard and all the other shite. I tell you what if you ever want to see some live wrestling just going to asda a few days before Christmas and see all those mums fighting over things like bags of veg.
I love it when you see people Christmas shopping especially if they are alone. The one shop a person will go to when alone for Christmas shopping is poundland. Have you seen some of the bargins you can get in poundland? Hats, shoes, cds, DVDs, videos, all a pound. It’s magic. It’s not just that they have bargins but they stack new things every little while introducing new things. I think poundland is very simular to that dodge bloak that can get you anything. You know the kinda bloak that can get you a top of the range fridge freezer combo for a tenner.
The bit I love at Christmas is the fuss your mum gives over the dinner. Especially if she is making it for a houseful of family. Where you have uncles, cousins, great grandparents that you don’t know exists and you couldn’t really care if they weren’t there. There the people who’s names are about as interesting as your dad’s childhood stories. You know your dad will come out with something like, “Oh I remember when I was at school and there was this…” And that is when people start to find an excuse to leave the room. “Oh I remember I had this thing to do.” But it’s worse when you have to introduce these people to say your partner or friend that they haven’t met. And it gets very tense for you. You know “this is my friend Davie and Davie this is…” And at that point there is a few decisions you can make. The first is pretend someone is shouting on you, or the other is to gesture them to introduce themselves. That is the proper thinking mind of the man aint it.
But find it funny seeing your mum or the misses running back and forward like a blue arsed fly getting the meal ready. Is there enough potatoes, have we got sprouts, is the turkey on, did we buy crackers, have we roasted the tatties, are the peas ready, where’s the wine, is the table set, have you folded the napkins. Bloody hell it was as if we were expecting the queen to give us a home personal speech. Most men would be happy with a plate of chips and some bacon.
The one thing that I really hate about Christmas is the crackers. The jokes you get in there is about as funny as a fire in an orphanage. I mean seriously, who is going to laugh at something like, “How do monkey’s make toast? they put it under the gorilla”. I think Christmas Cracker jokes should be made more sinister especially for the kids. Something like “santa isn’t real” or “your adopted”. Or they could make it really bad with something like “Your dolly is really a cerial killer, waiting for you to sleep so it can kill you.”
So did anybody here watch the world cup last year in south affrica? I think putting in south africa was a bit of a disaster. Putting the world cup in the middle of south africa was just as bad as kicking your best mate in the nuts after he has just been circumsised.