Jokes by Zach Galifianakis
Born: October 1, 1969
Blue Meter: Risqué
In match-ups against other comics:
Won: 2536 | Lost: 1134
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Zach Galifianakis on Temping
I used to temp. I called a temp agency once. They were like, “Do you have any phone skills?”
I was like, “I called you, didn’t I?”
Zach Galifianakis on Drinking Problems
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name… and you’ve never been to that bar before.
Zach Galifianakis on Reality TV
I want to do a reality show based on “The Mole” but it’s really about sexually transmitted diseases. And it’s called, “God, I Hope That’s a Mole.”
Zach Galifianakis on The View
I have to stop crying when I watch “The View.” It’s not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
Zach Galifianakis on Grandparents
I once saw my grandparents have sex, and that’s why I don’t eat raisins.