Jokes by Robert Schimmel
Born: January 16, 1950
Death: September 3, 2010
Blue Meter: Dirty
In match-ups against other comics:
Won: 1799 | Lost: 1356
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Robert Schimmel on Oral Sex
When it comes to my wife and blowjobs, my dick’s in the Witness Protection Program. “Dick? I don’t know nobody named Dick.”
Robert Schimmel on Masturbation
My mom told me when I was younger that when you jack off all of your dead relatives are watching. But then I figured who were they going to tell.
Robert Schimmel on Dogs
What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it’s a pit bull, you say, “You better let him finish.”
Robert Schimmel on Blind People
How do blind people know when they’re done wiping their ass?
Robert Schimmel on Penis Enlargement
They do sell a lot of weird things in sex shops. They have this stuff called Mr. Big Cream. It says, “Rub it on your dick and your dick gets bigger.” Great. Wouldn’t your hands get bigger too?