Rita Rudner on Long Labors

One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner on Ballet

I started off as a ballerina. I had to quit ballet after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine.

Rita Rudner on Break-Ups

One time I love to shop is after a bad relationship. I go and buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. Sometimes if I see a really great outfit I’ll break up with someone on purpose.

Rita Rudner on Perfume

Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attrat men? Men don’t like flowers. I wear a scent called “new-car interior.”