Jokes by Marc Maron

Stand-Up Comedian Marc Maron

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Born: September 27, 1963

Blue Meter: Dirty

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Jokes

Marc Maron on Renting Porn

When I rent porn I’ll actually get a Dirty Debutantes and a Citizen Kane. So [the clerk] knows that I’m a masturbating loser, but I’m a sophisticated masturbating loser who knows deep focus and theatrical lighting.

Marc Maron on Christmas

Over Christmas, I like to dress up as Jesus and I go to malls. And I walk through the malls saying, “No! No! This isn’t what it’s supposed to be about people.”

Marc Maron on Passover

Passover is a ritual dinner where we talk about the story of the exodus of the Jews out of Egypt. And we have a service and a meal. Then there’s the sacrifice of a live Christian baby and dessert. My family doesn’t do that, but orthodox…

Marc Maron on Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh. He should come out everyday with shit on his face. And just sit down at that fucking desk with that smug stupid little smile and say, “I was talking to Pat Robertson today as you can see.”

Marc Maron on Smoking Sections

They used to have a smoking section at the airport. No more. They now have these glass-encased rooms. You’re not just a smoker, you’re an example to other people. You’re an exhibit at a futuristic zoo. You’re in a nicotine terrarium. There ought to be a sign that says, “The addict in his natural environment.”