It goes Christmas,New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day. Is that fair to anyone who’s alone? Those are all days you got to be with someone. And if you didn’t get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year’s - boom - there’s Valentine’s Day for you. I think there should be just one more holiday after Valentine’s Day for the stragglers. And it should be called, “Who Could Love You?”
First of all, I have a rule. And that is: I never look at somebody’s face while we’re having sex. Because #1 what if I know the guy?
The thing that amazes me about getting fired is that nobody ever has anything insightful to say about it. They always say the same thing. They always say, “Everything happens for a reason.” As lame as that sounds, I guess it’s better to hear it out loud. Because when you hear it in your own head, it sounds like, “Anything can happen with a razor.”