Jokes by Kevin James

Stand-Up Comedian Kevin James

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AKA: Kevin George Knipfing

Born: April 26, 1965

Blue Meter: Tame

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Jokes

Kevin James on Weight

My fitness goals are different than most peoples.Most people want to lose enough weight so they look good in a bathing suit or they want to lower their cholesterol. I just want to lose enough so my stomach doesn’t jiggle when I brush my teeth.

Kevin James on Being Big

When you’re big you don’t need a reason to sweat. You don’t, right? My friends cannot grab a hold of this concept. They come up to me all the time, “Geez! What the hell you do? You jumping rope in the attic?” “Well, I peeled an orange. About an hour ago, what’s up?”

Kevin James on Airport Security

Love the questions at the airport because they make you feel real intelligent. “Sir, do you know what’s in your luggage?” (long pause) “No. I tied a sock around my eyes and packed with my feet. I’m thinking hot dogs and gunpowder.”