John Pinette on Sinking

I’ve been on a cruise ship that’s crashed. The captain comes on, “I want you to know that the ship is taking on a little water.” You mean we’re sinking. A guy bringing on a case of Evian, that’s taking on a little water.

John Pinette on Whitewater Rafting

Gotta love whitewater rafting. Ten of us are going. Eight will come back. Don’t forget to wear your toe tag. Sometimes the bodies don’t float down the river for a week or so.

John Pinette on Exercise

I don’t do up. Sit-ups. Push-ups. Pull-ups. I do downs. Sit down. Lay down. Blackjack, I’ll double down. Give me a cheeseburger, I’ll wolf it down. Put on a little music, I’ll boogie down.