Jokes by Henny Youngman
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AKA: Henry Youngman, King of the One-Liners
Born: Jan. 12, 1906
Death: Feb. 24, 1998
Blue Meter: Clean
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Henny Youngman on His Mother-In-Law
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman on Diets
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but she can climb a tree.
Henny Youngman on the Homeless
A bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same.”
Henny Youngman on His Date
I went out with a girl last night. She wasn’t a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.
Henny Youngman on Accidents
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, “Are you comfortable?” The guys says, “I make a good living.”
Henny Youngman on Wives
Take my wife… please!
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