Greg Giraldo on Abercrombie & Fitch

I didn’t think I was older until I went into an Abercrombie & Fitch and they looked at me like I was walking through a playground with my cock in my hand.

Greg Giraldo on Being Drunk

One time, I was trying to get on a plane. They wouldn’t let me. They said I was too drunk to get on a plane. You know how wasted you have to be for someone to say, “Sir, you’re just too drunk to sit in a seat.”

Greg Giraldo on Lent

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

Greg Giraldo on Marriage

George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like a gift from God to you?