Greg Fitzsimmons

Jokes by Greg Fitzsimmons

Greg Fitzsimmons on Hospitality

Nothing screams “welcome for one night” like the inflatable mattress. “Hey, I threw a sheet on a pool raft. Hope you like it.”

Greg Fitzsimmons on Water

They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water. So it’s nice to know my son’s going to grow up and have huge breasts but it’s not going to bother him that much.

Greg Fitzsimmons on Craps

I went to Las Vegas. I was playing craps because I had a lot of money and I needed to lose it very quickly. Crap must have been the worse word available when that game was invented. If they invented it today, they’d have to call it “motherfucker.”