Jokes by Gilbert Gottfried

Stand-Up Comedian Gilbert Gottfried

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Born: February 28, 1955

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Gilbert Gottfried on The Last Supper.

At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table?... See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, “You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.”

Gilbert Gottfried on Nostradamus

Sometimes I’d sit and talk to Nostradamus and he’d just sit there go, “I know. I know.” Once I went to movies with Nostradamus. I said, “Boy, what did you think of that ending?” He goes, “What? You didn’t see that coming?”

Gilbert Gottfried on Jesus

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, “Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me.” And Jesus looked at me and said, “You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.”