George Wallace on The Clapper

What lazy SOB invented the Clapper? What do I have to invent so I don’t have to get off my lazy butt and go over and flip that light switch. My father had a Clapper 30 years ago—me.

George Wallace on Mother

My mother could say some stupid things. I do something wrong, she’d say things that didn’t even make sense. “You go to your room and you stay there until you know how to act.” I’m in my room for three hours. “To be or not to be, that is the question.”

George Wallace on Taiwan

I was walking around Taiwan and bought some flip flops for my feet. I said I wonder where were these made. Looked under the bottom. It said, “just around the corner.”

George Walace on Flying

Who ever heard of flight 5050? It’s always flight 102, flight 216. 5050? They’re telling you before you leave the gate - 50/50. Now go out there on runway 13 and give it your best shot.

George Wallace on Church

Freaks everywhere. I went to a church in Chicago. Church had six Commandments and four do-the-best-you-cans.