Jokes by Ellen DeGeneres
Ellen DeGeneres on Zoos
When I was growing up, we had a petting zoo, and, well, we had two sections. We had a petting zoo, and then we had a heavy-petting zoo. For people who really liked the animals a lot.
Ellen DeGeneres on Woods Wandering
As a kid I used to wonder around the woods… because my parents would put me there.
Ellen DeGeneres on Grandmother Fitness
My grandmother takes care of herself. She started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today. We don’t know where the hell she is.
Ellen Degeneres on Deer Heads
Have you see the deer heads on the walls of bars? They have the silly party hats on. Sunglasses, streamers around their necks. Those are the ones I really feel sorry for, because obviously they were at a party having a good time…