Jokes by Eddie Murphy
Born: April 3, 1961
Blue Meter: Dirty
In match-ups against other comics:
Won: 2620 | Lost: 1192
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Eddie Murphy on Slavery
Brothers act like they couldn’t have been slaves back 200 years ago. It ain’t like the motherfuckers liked that shit. “I wish I was a slave, I would fuck somebody up! Shit, tell me to bale some motherfucking cotton! I would been on the street and shit, would’ve come up and say, ‘Ay, yo, n*****, bale this cotton!’ I would say, ‘Suck my dick, massa!’”...
The first dude who got off the boat said that shit.
“Bale that cotton!”
“Fuck you motherfucker!”
[crack of a whip]
The other motherfuckers said, “We’ll bale the shit. Just keep that fucking shit away from me.”
Eddie Murphy on Cursing
[Cosby] thought that was my whole act. Like I just walked out on-stage and cursed and left. I manage to stick in some jokes between the curses. You couldn’t give no curse show. Walk out, say, “Hey, Felt Forum, motherfucker, dick, pussy, snot and shit. Good night. Good night. Suck my dick. Bye-bye.”
Eddie Murphy on the Ice Cream Truck
There’s something about the ice cream truck that makes kids lose it. And they can hear that shit from ten blocks away. They don’t hear their mother calling them but they hear that motherfucking ice cream truck.