Jokes by Eddie Izzard

Stand-Up Comedian Eddie Izzard

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AKA: Edward John Izzard

Born: February 7, 1962

Blue Meter: Tame

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  • Delivery: 43210
  • Material: 43210
  • Overall: 43210

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Jokes

Eddie Izzard on the Queen

We hate our national anthem. Because it’s “God Save the Queen,” you see?... Now the Queen lives in a very big house. She has barbed wire outside and people with guns in front of that. That’s one saved fucking queen, I’ll tell you!

Eddie Izzard on Europe

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Eddie Izzard on Transvestites

If you’re a transvestite, you’re actually a male tomboy. That’s where the sexuality is… So it’s running, jumping, climbing trees, putting on makeup when you’re up there.

Eddie Izzard on Confession

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I did an original sin. I poked a badger with a spoon.

Eddie Izzard on Guns

Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. And monkeys do too… if they have a gun.