Jokes by Eddie Izzard
AKA: Edward John Izzard
Born: February 7, 1962
Blue Meter: Tame
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Eddie Izzard on the Queen
We hate our national anthem. Because it’s “God Save the Queen,” you see?... Now the Queen lives in a very big house. She has barbed wire outside and people with guns in front of that. That’s one saved fucking queen, I’ll tell you!
Eddie Izzard on Europe
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
Eddie Izzard on Transvestites
If you’re a transvestite, you’re actually a male tomboy. That’s where the sexuality is… So it’s running, jumping, climbing trees, putting on makeup when you’re up there.
Eddie Izzard on Confession
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I did an original sin. I poked a badger with a spoon.
Eddie Izzard on Guns
Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. And monkeys do too… if they have a gun.
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