You know you’re too high when you’re eating cereal naked and your girlfriend is like “Put some clothes on” and you realize that it’s not your girlfriend. It’s just a woman on the bus.
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, “Sex addiction… People will end up doing something they don’t want to do just for sex.” Isn’t that called a first date, man?... If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there’d be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Gay people speak each others language in a way that we don’t as heterosexual people. You meet a girl. Initially, you want to fuck her. She don’t want to, because she’s a girl… With gay guys that’s a meeting of the minds. Being gay is like walking into a shoe store and like, “Sir, do you have a size 10?” and the guy says, “They’re all size 10s!”
I was in the pharmacy. They have two ply condoms now, for real. Two ply… a guy turns to me. He goes, “Hey, do you think I should go for the two ply or the regular?” I was like, “Hey, if you’re even thinking two ply… Maybe you shouldn’t fuck her.”