Jokes by Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope on His Act

My act’s not for everyone. I get on stage, I feel like I’m leading you into battle. You’re not all going to be here at the end.

Doug Stanhope on Suicide

Life is like a movie, if you’ve sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, chances are it’s not gonna get great right at the very end and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early.

Doug Stanhope on Necrophiliacs

I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.