Doug Benson on the Toilet

I was on the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself, “I’m getting too old for this shit.”

Doug Benson on Dry Spells

I have been in kind of a sexual dry spell lately. In the past few years I’ve only had sex in months that end in “arch"… in years that have an Olympics.

Doug Benson on Pot Making You Lazy

People say pot smokers are lazy. I disagree. I am a multitasking pot smoker. Just the other day I was walking down the street. Stoned. OK, I won’t count that as two things. I was walking down the street. I was putting eye drops in my eyes. I was talking on my cellphone. And I was getting hit by a car.

Doug Benson on Break-Ups

Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend and the reason we broke up is I caught her lying… under another man.