Jokes by Doug Benson
Blue Meter: Tame
In match-ups against other comics:
Won: 1643 | Lost: 1163
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Doug Benson on Pot Making You Lazy
People say pot smokers are lazy. I disagree. I am a multitasking pot smoker. Just the other day I was walking down the street. Stoned. OK, I won’t count that as two things. I was walking down the street. I was putting eye drops in my eyes. I was talking on my cellphone. And I was getting hit by a car.
Doug Benson on Break-Ups
Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend and the reason we broke up is I caught her lying… under another man.
Doug Benson on Dry Spells
I have been in kind of a sexual dry spell lately. In the past few years I’ve only had sex in months that end in “arch”... in years that have an Olympics.
Doug Benson on the Toilet
I was on the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself, “I’m getting too old for this shit.”