David Spade on Pilots

Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, “Oh, he’s good.”

David Spade on Escaping It All

I want to get away from it all. Move to the sticks. Montana. Hundreds of miles from civilization. Get a cabin in the snow. Curl up with some cute girl. Say stuff to her like, “Scream all you want, sugar. Ain’t nobody gonna hear you!”