Large image of stand-Up comic Bernie Mac

Jokes by Bernie Mac

Bernie Mac on Dark-Skinned Blacks

You know you're black motherfucka when you put fingerprints on charcoal.

Bernie Mac on Whites and Blacks at the Job

When white people go on break at their job. 15 minutes. They go to their desk. They eat their cheese sandwich. Drink their God damn tea. 15 minutes they're back on the fucking job.
My people I don't know what the fuck is wrong with us. But when we go on break, that's just what the fuck we do…. we break. You got to look for our motherfucking ass. "You seen Johnny?"

Bernie Mac on Bad Kids

Son of bitch kids too God damn smart for me. Sassy-talking, shaking heads and shit. "Talk to the hand. Talk to the hand." See, I'm from the old school, I'll kick a kid ass. When a kid gets one years old, I believe you have the right to hit them in the throat or the stomach. if you're grown enough to talk back, you're grown up enough to get fucked up.