I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub one out, that’s like runs batted in.
It’s gotten to the point where I think my friends would rather hang out with their own kids than hang out with me. And I’m like, “Alright, but where’s the loyalty, man. I’ve known you for twenty-five years. How long have you known your baby, like, a month?”
I’m not even worried about settling down. I think it’s way too early. I’m 25 and I’m in show business. I mean, if things go well, my wife hasn’t even been born yet.
It’s too difficult to convey tone in electronic communication. And we can solve this my friends. All we need is some new fonts.
“(reading email) ‘Great party Arj. Best party ever.’ What a jerk!”
“How do you know he wasn’t being sincere, Arj?”
“Because he wrote it in Sarcastica! If he had enjoyed himself, he would have used Good Times Roman.”