Andy Kindler on Jews

I’m Jewish… We’re a very nervous group. Paranoid. Anxiety-ridden. Maybe that Hitler thing made us a little jumpy. Nothing like a Holocaust to make you mind your Ps and Qs for a couple hundred years I always say.

Andy Kindler on Amsterdam

Over in Amsterdam, they spoke pot. They mix it with hash and tobacco and they roll it together. And the reason why they do that: they have so many vices, they have to combine them. “Oh, I’ll smoke pot but I don’t want to have that cut into my cigarette smoking time. I’m doin’ a hooker in 10 minutes.”

Andy Kindler on Comedy Classes

The motto of my comedy workshop: “If I can’t make you funny, maybe you’re not. Ever think of that?”

Andy Kindler on Wife-Swapping

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.