Jokes by Amy Schumer
Born: June 1, 1981
Blue Meter: Risqué
In match-ups against other comics:
Won: 695 | Lost: 371
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Amy Schumer on Growing Up Jewish
The kids didn’t call me Amy Schumer. They called me Amy Jewmer. One summer — I’ll never forget this — all the kids took turns throwing handfuls of pennies at me. I know! I was like, ‘Excuse me… this is awesome!’
Amy Schumer on Kid’s Parties
There’s nothing more awkward than going to the first birthday party of a little girl when you told her mom to get rid of her. Because the kid can tell. “Here’s Tickle Me Elmo!” She’s like, “Fuck you!” I stand by my decision.
Amy Schumer on Self Esteem
I usually feel pretty good about myself. I know what I look like. You’d bang me, but you wouldn’t blog about it. You won’t be Twittering “You won’t believe who I’m inside.” It’s fine.